This article was written by Kristen Lynn.
*In this article I refer to bisexual, pansexual, and queer people to be inclusive of all persons who do not identify as gay or straight. Please note that there are clear differences between bisexual, pansexual, and queer folks.
Pride Month has arrived! A magical time of the year where the LGBTQ community celebrates the freedom that so many people have fought to obtain. Pride is a time when we reflect on the discrimination, riots, violence, and protests of the past and present. It is a time when the community gathers to celebrate their identities in a space that is safe for them. Pride can be a lot of fun! So, why is that so many bisexual and pansexual people feel uncomfortable at Pride events?
In 2017, the magazine LGBTQ Nation surveyed its bisexual readers regarding how they feel the “B” is representing them at Pride. The consensus was less than stellar. Readers had reported feeling “invisible” and harshly judged. This is despite them making up the largest group in the LGBT community at 5.5% of women and 2% of men identifying as bisexual, according to the American Psychological Foundation. Many bisexual- and pansexual-identifying people feel at best left out and at worst negatively judged. Knowing this information, it’s understandable that it can be daunting for a bisexual/pansexual/queer person to plan their Pride weekend events.
Being a person who identifies as pansexual, I have shared the feelings that many of the bi/pan/queer folks reported in regards to acceptance at Pride. I have comprised a survival guide, of sorts, to help those of us who want to navigate Pride in a healthy, positive way.
Stop feeling guilty for being straight passing
Yes, there is inherent privilege to being “straight passing.” “Straight passing” means that, to the casual observer, you are assumed to be heterosexual. This may be because you have an opposite sex partner, or it may mean that it is not obvious that you and your same-sex partner are in a romantic/sexual relationship. When others assume you are heterosexual, you have the privilege of sidestepping a lot of the violence that occurs towards those who are not perceived to be heterosexual. Having said that, according to lgbtmap.org, “bisexual people experience higher rates of sexual and intimate partner violence than gay, lesbian, and straight people.”
So, do not compare yourself to any other LGBTQ person attending Pride. We have all gone through our own adventures to get to where we are today and we each have unique experiences. Your experiences matter just as much as those of the person standing next to you!
Don’t allow another person to write your story
We have all been there. You may be having a conversation about your sexual orientation to another person to which they say, “I was confused once as well. You will figure it out someday!” or “Trust me, I thought I was bisexual before I realized I wasn’t.” These passive-aggressive statements are a projection of said person’s story rather than your own truth. You are the main character in your story and you know how you came to find your identity. Kindly remind the projector that your story is not the same as theirs and walk away.
Attend Pride with friends and partners
If anyone has ever told you that you should not bring your opposite-sex partner to a Pride event, take that terrible advice and throw it in the garbage. Refer to my first point about the guilt around straight passing. Just because the person you care about happens to be the opposite sex does not mean that your sexual orientation has changed. You are deserving of celebrating your relationships and the way you love. Bring your partner/s, bring your friends, and bring your family. As long as they are supporting of your identity and are respectful toward others’ identities, utilize that support system! You will have much more fun if you can surround yourself with people who know you and love you for you.
It is okay if you are not all the way “out”
According to Pew Research Center, “lesbians and gay men are more likely than bisexuals to have told at least one close friend about their sexual orientation.” Bisexual/Pansexual-identified people tend to avoid the conversation about sexual orientation with their friends and family. If you are not all the way “out,” you can still attend Pride! If you have even one trusted friend, family member, or coworker you can attend with, I recommend it. If you have not disclosed your sexual orientation to anyone in your personal life, I recommend volunteering at your local LGBTQ center; you will be able to make connections to people in your community, attend events with your local chapter, and help others in the process.
If you decide to attend a pride event and you do not feel comfortable “coming out” to your friends and family, avoid areas of the event that have a lot of press and decline to comment if a member of the press asks you questions. If someone attempts to take a picture of you, kindly let them know that you do not consent to pictures. Feel free to come up with a pseudonym for yourself if you are especially afraid of the consequences of “coming out,” Your safety comes first! If being “outed” could result in violence, then we should do everything we can to preserve your safety while still giving you the opportunity to celebrate. You can celebrate your identity while preserving your safety and well-being.
You belong!
Despite a high number of bi/pan/queer people reporting negative reactions to Pride, the majority of us go without incident. If you put yourself out there in a safe way, you are likely to find people who understand you, want to get to know you, and support you! You are a part of the LGBTQ community and you should celebrate your freedom to be you! Arm yourself with support, confidence, and kind deflection. Most of all, have fun!
Bisexual, pansexual, and queer people are a huge part of the LGBTQ community. Your experiences matter. If you need extra support in your journey, please refer to the resource list below.
The Trevor Project Resource Center
Article sources:
- American Psychological Association, “Understanding Bisexuality”
- Movement Advancement Project, “Understanding Issues Facing Bisexual Americans”
- Pew Research Center, “The Coming Out Experience”
- LGBTQ Nation, “Why aren’t bisexuals more welcomed at Pride?”
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, “National Health Statistics Reports”
- YouGov, Kinsey Scale survey
